


Denials

by Liz Kenobi (Amidala_Thrace)



Category: Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-07-31
Updated: 2010-07-31
Packaged: 2017-10-10 21:26:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,114
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/104460
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amidala_Thrace/pseuds/Liz%20Kenobi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She decides she can't let her mind stray to him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Denials

**Author's Note:**

> Takes place about a year after the beginning of the Clone Wars and reserves the right to be non-compliant with the canon of the current TV series. Was written for the now-defunct Big Things in Life community using prompt #2, First Anniversary, and originally posted August 20, 2008.

She gets a funny feeling in the pit of her stomach when she thinks about it.

So Padmé decides not to.

She decides she can't let her mind stray to him. Her sweet, gentle husband, with whom she should be spending this day, of all days. She tries not to remember Nubian practices, or the one week per year when she and her sister were left with neighbours so that her parents could journey to Varykino alone and renew their love. She tries not to wish that, like her people are supposed to do, she could travel home with Anakin and fulfill this tradition too.

Padmé forbids her handmaidens to mention his name. She forbids herself to even think it. They are all adept at searching the HoloNet for battle updates, or surreptitiously calling in favours so that they can be made aware of the latest news – and Anakin's survival – before anyone else. But today, although Padmé knows he is participating in a major offensive near Yavin IV, she does not want to know the outcome of this incursion. She doesn't even want to read the glowing account of Anakin's bravery that will surely appear on the galaxy's news service. For surely it _will_ be a glowing account; Padmé doesn't wish to even consider the alternative.

She sits in meetings all day, consoling a union representing disgruntled spice miners, speaking with Naboo's civil defense team, and reassuring a group of citizens from Theed who are concerned that the war effort will gobble up sources of fuel that could be better used to ferry them on their summer holidays. Several times she dismisses Dormé, then Eirtaé, who are both waving datapads with battle reports. She uses the convenient excuse: she is busy, _too_ busy to be bothered with personal matters.

The delegation from Theed departs and Padmé is left unwillingly alone. Memories intrude.

_His face, completely serious, gazing into her eyes, regretting nothing …_

_She, opening her mouth to speak: "I accept Anakin Skywalker as my husband and lifelong friend, and recognize that in the eyes of the goddesses we are now bound forever …"_

_Anakin's voice, soft and tender as he repeated the vows after the holy man. "Forsaking all others, I will keep myself only for her …"_

_Their kiss, he flinching lightly as she grasped his mechanical hand, she smiling reassurance. When their lips touched she felt as though waking from a long-forgotten dream, to enter the new life that had been placed before her …_

Padmé forces herself back to reality, back to her office in the Senate, back to the document in front of her. Dormé approaches and holds out a datapad, explaining that the spice miners have asked for clarification on one specific point of the agreement made earlier. Padmé presses the button to activate the comlink.

Her love's voice fills the air.

"Padmé?" The connection is crackly but it is undeniably him.

Amazement squeezes her voice. "_Ani?_ How could you – where are you?"

"I'm borrowing the transmitter from one of the clones." He chuckles. "It's secure, don't worry. I had to talk to you – you know, _today_."

Padmé is assailed by guilt – she'd been trying to forget him. "I thought we wouldn't be able to talk. Not until you got back. Are you _sure_ this is safe?"

"Absolutely. And even if it weren't, who cares? We love each other, and we are married. That's something to shout to the skies, not to keep inside!"

"You know why we can't, Anakin." But she is smiling. Evidently the war has not changed him; he is still the same man who kissed her goodbye two months ago. "But I wish we could. Did I ever tell you about the tradition for celebrating a wedding anniversary on Naboo?"

"I don't think you did," he replies.

"The husband and wife go away, usually to somewhere isolated in the mountains, and there they spend a week with one another. That week is designed to help them remember why they fell in love with one another in the first place, and to assist them in re-consecrating that love."

"That sounds like paradise." Anakin's voice is wistful now. "Not like here. Knowing I could speak to you … that's the only thing getting me through this battle right now. I would give anything for a week away with you. _Anything_."

"As would I." She can't decide whether hearing his voice is comforting, or whether it's just making her miss him more.

A long sigh transmits over the comlink. "Padmé, do you know what I'd do right now, if you were standing in front of me?"

"What?" They are treading on dangerous ground but she can't stop, she needs this too much.

"I'd take you in my arms, and I'd kiss you, and I'd kiss you again, and again, as many times as it took for us to forget this war. And then …"

Her heart is pounding. "What?"

"Then I'd kidnap you."

Padmé hears the laughter in his voice and she is laughing too, but she doesn't want to make him think he got off _that_ easily. "_Anakin!_" she exclaims.

"Other matters would come later," he clarifies.

"Ahhh." She grins and leans back in her chair, about to smile seductively before realizing he can't see her anyway. _Damn_ these audio-only transmissions. They're more secure but she hates them all the same.

"Credit for your thoughts, Angel?"

"I'd fancy my thoughts worth much more than a credit, Ani." Now it's Padmé's turn to tease.

"Okay … all-expenses-paid dream vacation to Varykino with your handsome husband for your thoughts?"

"That's more like it." She grins again. "I just wish I could see you. That's what I was thinking."

"_I_ wish you were Force-sensitive. I can always sense you, even halfway across the galaxy." There is a pause on the other end, a murmur of voices in the background. Then Anakin again: "I'm sorry, Padmé. I've got to get going. Obi-Wan's outside and he's suspicious. I – I'm not sure when I can talk to you again."

Reality once again intrudes. "I love you, Ani. Be safe."

"You too. I love you, Angel. I love you so much."

And then he's gone. Gone, the bright presence in the room vanished. She sighs, shuts the comlink, decides she must attempt to forget him again. It dulls the pain, though it does not make the ache disappear. Nothing except his presence can accomplish that. Nothing except denial can get her through.

Denial, and her work. A message pops up on the comlink, this time in actuality from the delegation of spice miners.

Padmé clicks on it. Scrolls past the HoloNet reports declaring success at Yavin IV.

_Happy anniversary, Anakin._


End file.
